Little Red Kagome, Plumespixie's MST take on it
by Ravyn Skye
Summary: HUMOR FIC! Inuyasha, Sess, Kag, Mir, San and Rin are forced to make funny commentary about a badly written fanfic. CRACKFIC, HUMORFIC, based on the same idea as the tv show 'Mystery Science Theater, 3000'... Give it a chance, I swear, it's hilarious!


DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN INUYASHA OR ANY OF THESE CHARACTERS

**IMPORTANT A/N:** THIS FIC IS WRITTEN IN RESPONSE TO A PROMPT FROM THE IYMST COMMUNITY. THE IDEA IS TO TAKE A FANFIC, (WITH THE ORIGINAL AUTHOR'S CONSENT OF COURSE) AND HAVE THE CHARACTERS FROM INUYASHA READ IT, AND, AS A GROUP, MAKE FUNNY COMMENTARY ABOUT IT. THIS IS BASED ON THE TV SHOW 'MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3000', A GREAT SHOW, AND YOU SHOULD LOOK IT UP IF YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.

THE ORIGINAL FANFIC IS IN BOLD, AND THE ONLY THING I WROTE IS THE CHARACTER'S REACTIONS TO IT.

THE OPENING WAS TAKEN FROM ANOTHER MST-STYLE FANFIC, WHICH I HAVE PROVIDED A LINK TO, AND 'LITTLE RED KAGOME' (THE FAN FIC THAT THE CHARACTERS ARE COMMENTING ON CAN BE FOUND AT

/s/2163668/1/MadetoMST

PLEASE, I KNOW IT'S LONG BUT I PUT MY COMEDY HEART AND SOUL INTO THIS, SO PLEASE READ AND REVIEW, EVEN IF ITS A FLAME!

Title: Rin's First MST experience  
Author: Plumespixie  
Rating: M  
Genre: Comedy/a little bit of hentai ish ness  
Story Prompt: Little Red Kagome  
Warnings: a little bit of Crack/mentions Sess's weird ass relationship with Rin/ implied concensual soft loli  
Notes: Bolded text is the original story/ I used the opening to the original MST story for how they end up in the situation...

--A/N:Taken from /fanfic/viewch.php/30568/80953#ficc – Love Witch MST.--

_Crimson eyes glinted as the demon leaned closer over the keyboard. This... Internet? Yes, that was the word. This Internet was a very fascinating thing. He grinned as the clicked the Rodent. The "transmitter" was perfect for his plans. And Kagura and Kanna should be back soon, leading the victims. This was going to be very interesting. Besides, there were some interesting things on this "e-bay" place. (A/N: Naraku at ebay... scary thought...)_

_Naraku smirked as he set up the spell to transport his soon to be victims to the satellite. He was gonna have some fun with Inuyasha and his group. Finding that well and what it could do was one of the best things that ever happened to him. And discovering the Internet hadn't hurt, either._

_The tendrils of magic and energy finished slipping from his fingers, and settled into place. Everything was set except for the transmitter to talk to them. Food was well stocked on the most advanced satellite in existence (it had only taken a LITTLE persuasion to get the country leaders to give it to him. He had only had to destroy a few small countries.)_

_He blinked as a "truck" arrived. A box thumped in front of the door, and the truck screeched off. "That was fast." He opened the door, grabbed the box, and dragged it inside. "How do humans CARRY these things? It weighs a couple tons, at LEAST!!" (Sorry Naraku, it's just the law of Things in Boxes. They're always heavier than you can comfortably carry. No matter how strong you are.)_

_Naraku sighed in relief as he finally got it in what he had dubbed "The Control Room". This house really was nice for his purposes. And killing off that weak, rich human hadn't taken a lot of energy._

_Once the box was open, the battle between Male and Appliance continued. This is familiar to most human females that have a husband or father too stubborn to call an electrician or plumber._

_Bangs, clangs, and other loud noises were punctuated with loud curses, and the occasional sizzle of magic._

_Finally, Naraku did something that no male had ever done... he looked at the directions. Of course, everyone already knows that he's not right in the head._

_Ten minutes later, a completed transmitter stood against one wall of the room. Naraku stood to the side, panting, bruised, and covered in grease. A quick clean-up spell took care of it._

_A few crashes alerted the powerful demon to the fact that his creations had returned. Hopefully, they had managed to lure Inuyasha and his group back._

_Naraku smirked as Kagura and Kanna dashed in, his victims hot on their heels. They had gone one better. That annoying demon lord Sesshoumaru and his cronies were with them, as well as the required people to torture._

_Kagura and Kanna ran right through the spell, and it left them alone._

_Inuyasha was next, carrying that annoying miko wench and kitsune kit. Right behind him was that fire-cat, degrading herself by carrying two humans. And Sesshoumaru was behind her, carrying that little human girl and seriously annoying toad._

_The spell took hold, and all nine froze in place. The demons struggled hard to free themselves, even after the humans had given it up. Finally, after a weird humming, they disappeared._

_A collective yell came from everyone's mouth but Sesshoumaru's when they appeared a couple feet above a metal floor in a strange place. Again, everyone but Sesshoumaru landed painfully with a large WHUMP!_

_Kagome was one of the first to peel herself off of the ground. "Whe... where are we?" They were in a largely circular room, with nearly half of the wall taken up by control boards, above which were windows. Outside she could see the darkness and small pinpoints of light that made up space._

_About a quarter of the wall of the other half of the room was made up of a giant screen. The rest of the wall had a few passage-ways leading to parts of the place other than this._

_By this time, the rest of the group were slowly picking themselves up, and Sesshoumaru had put his passengers down. The screen flickered to life, making every person in the room except Kagome back away and wonder what strange, evil magic this was. A larger version of Naraku's face and shoulders appeared, bringing a growl from most of the throats present._

_"What the hell did you do to us? Where are we!?" Inuyasha demanded, blunt as always._

_A smirk greeted them. "You are on what I believe is called a 'Satellite'. After coming to this time, I acquired it and set up a very special torture for all of you that I believe only a few of the most evil villains have done. Consider it payback for all the times you've brought me grief."_

_Kagome was starting to have a very bad feeling about this. She had read her share of fanfics before. "Don't tell me you're gonna make us MST bad stories written about ourselves for your own sick, twisted amusement."_

_"Damn. You guessed." Kagome groaned and sank to the floor, her face buried in her hands._

_"I can't believe that even YOU are evil enough to put us through that."_

_"I do not see what is so bad, Kagome-sama. It can't be as horrible as you make it out to be." Miroku said objectively._

_"You wouldn't believe how bad some people can write."_

_Naraku's eyes glittered. "I believe that three of the group will not be very suitable for my torture sessions, so they shall assume other jobs on the satellite. Kirara..." A giant book thicker than the now small-size fire-cat appeared in front of her. "You shall be the pilot of the ship. Read the manual to figure it out." A giant sweatdrop appeared on the fire-cat._

_"As for the little girl, I'm not mean enough to make her read the fics..." Rin muttered something about not being able to read at all, "So she shall be the cook." Sesshoumaru and Jaken blanched._

_"Kami-sama help us all..." Sesshoumaru said, a fearful look on his face._

_"We're all gonna die." Jaken put it much more bluntly._

_"And, last of all, toad-boy, you're clean-up duty. Just cause I don't like you." A bucket and mop appeared in front of the stunned toad-youkai._

_"The rest of you, find rooms and make yourselves comfortable. I'll send you your first assignment in an hour or so." The image disappeared._

_"..." Was the response of everyone in the room._

_"Kagome-sama, I have a question. Exactly what is this 'MSTing' that Naraku talked about?" Miroku asked, not really sure if he wanted to know the answer._

_Kagome sighed, and proceeded to explain all about their new torture (I'll assume the readers already know what MSTing is, so I'll skip that)._

_"Tha... that's horrible!" Inuyasha spluttered._

_"The most cruel torture I've ever heard of!" Sango added._

_"How low can a youkai get?" Shippou put in his two cents._

_Kagome sighed. "And we're stuck with it. Come on, guys. Let's go pick out our rooms."_

_The disgruntled group separated, a few people going down each hallway._

--A/N: MY WRITING BEGINS HERE--

Naraku had been holding the group hostage now for many months, forcing them to make commentary on fan fiction after fan fiction. Today was however, the first time that he had called Rin into the room.

He laughed evily,

"Today we will have Inuyasha, Sesshomaru, Sango, Miroku and even the precious little Rin viewing this lovely story…I thought that the little girl may enjoy this Sesshomaru… she has a particular fear, does she not?

Sesshomaru growled…

"This is LOW, even for YOU Naraku. I will kill you for tramatizing my Rin… whenever it is that I make my way out of this hell!"

Rin piped up,

"Sesshomaru-sama, Rin is scared, can she sit with you?"

Sesshomaru nodded, and pulled Rin onto his lap, sitting Indian-style, as the rest of the group looked on in disbelief. They still were not sure why it was Sesshomaru was so nice to this little girl, but she seemed to adore him, and he treated her well, so no one said anything…

**  
Little Red Kagome**

**By Not-So-Anonomous**

**Once upon a time, in a time apart from ours, **

Inu: I can already see this is going to be terrible…

Kag: Lets try to be positive, maybe it won't be so bad this time…

Group: :skeptical looks:

**a little girl lived with her mother and father in a small farming village. Her father was a former monk and her mother a former demon exterminator. **

Mir: Look my dear Sango, it appears that in this one, we are married… perhaps we will get to…

San: Don't even think about it monk! This is FICTION, and we aren't really married so you better stay on your own futon tonight or I'll bash you in the head!

Inu: What did I tell you Kagome? This is horrible!

Sesshomaru: Would you all cease your incessant talking, this Sesshomaru would like to be done with this quickly, for Rin's sake…

Rin: This doesn't seem so bad… why are you all so upset?

Inu: Just wait kid… it gets worse

Rin: :worried look:

Sess: :Death glare to Inu:

**But now they were rice farmers, having settled down with their lovely daughter Kagome. However, they were unable to convince the mother of the demon exterminator to leave her hut in the woods and live with the farming village. So, the demon exterminator, Sango, **

Kagome: didn't it just say she was an EX demon slayer? Which is it?

Inu: does it matter?

San: As if I would let my father's years of training go to waste and become a rice farmer… and my mother is dead… what a low blow to bring her up!

Mir: I'm more worried about the fact that our only child appears to be not only female, but… KAGOME?

**would send Kagome out every week to check on Kagome's dear grandmother, to see if anything was wrong, or needed fixing, **

Inu: They sent her alone… so who was going to fix anything? Kagome's such a klutz she couldn't fix dinner!

Kag: SIT boy!

Group: :Remembering the few times Kagome fixed dinner, snickered:

Sess: This Sesshomaru would ask you all again to SHUT UP!

Rin: oooohhh Rin can fix dinner

Group: NO!

Mir: uhhhh what we mean to say is that won't be necessary young Rin…

**and to take some food out to her as well. Whenever Kagome went out on this journey, she would wear a red coat that was very special. It was made of fur from fire rats and was fireproof, waterproof and knife-proof. **

San: Knife-proof? What kinda word is that?

Inu: Bitch stole my haori?

Sess: No human would be gifted with my great father's haori…

Inu: He gave it to my mom!

Sess: :death glare: Do not speak of your mother, the human whore!

Rin: What's a whore?

Group: :accusing look at Sess:

Sess: Do not ask again, Rin, nor use that word… It is a word I use only to describe Inuyahsa's mother and that wind witch who insists on stalking me…

Rin: OOhhh okay…

**So as she passed the other villagers on her way through the woods, they would call to her and say "There goes Little Red Kagome with a basket of goodies for her grandmother."**

Inu: Nosy fucking people…

**Now there was a friendly (if not hotheaded and short-tempered) woodcutter's son who would play with Kagome as they were growing up. **

San: Three guesses on who this is going to be

Inu: Who?

Kag: Idiot…

Sess: :Nods in agreement:

**At age thirteen he became a woodcutter himself. When Kagome would go into the woods, he would go too, to watch over her while all the while pretending he wasn't. He was an excellent tree-climber and he could follow her from the trees and make sure she got to her grandmother's and back safely. When this story begins, both are fifteen.**

Mir: What an awkward way to phrase things, and isn't tree climber two words?

Rin: didn't the story already begin?

San: So he's like, stalking her?

Inu: Keh, like I'd follow that bitch anywhere…

Kag: SIT!

Sess: :amusement in his eyes:

**This boy's name was Inuyasha,**

San: Told ya…

Mir: Predictable

**because he was a hanyou of dog demon and human.**

Rin: Aren't all hanyou half human?

San: is there a word missing or something

Mir: No, just more awkward phrasing…

Sess: At least this author acknowledges he is hanyou, and does not refer to him a youkai. This Sesshomaru is youkai, Inuyasha is a worthless half-breed.

**Now the time came when Kagome had to go see her grandmother again, but she forgot to mention to Inuyasha that she was going, so he overslept and she ended up going alone. Of course, most of this time she thought she'd been alone all along, but this was the first time when she was ACTUALLY alone.**

Mir: I'm confused… if she intends to go alone, then why would she tell Inuyasha each time she goes to the woods?

Inu: Like I ever oversleep!

San: I'm still trying to figure out how, as a responsible mother, I send my daughter into the woods alone?

Rin: Rin likes the woods! There's all kinds of flowers there!

**And the wolf demon of the forest knew this too.**

Rin: :starts to shake: W-w-wolf??

Sess: Relax Rin, this is not real. :Thinks to himself : damn you Naraku, now she'll have to sleep next me for a week...:

Kag: It's okay Rin…

Inu: What's her problem?

Rin: Rin doesn't like wolves…

Sess: :shoots Inuyasha a 'drop it or die' look.:

**The wolf demon's name was Kouga, **

Mir: again, predictable

Rin: K-K-Kouga!! :eyes water and turns into Sess's moko-moko:

Sess: :attempts to adjust himself to shield Rin's eyes without making it obvious:

Inu: He better stay the hell away from Kagome, or I'll kick his –

Kag: Inuyasha! Language! Rin is right there!

Inu: Keh, she's too busy getting all lovey-dovey with Mr. I-protect-nothing-but-come-here-Rin-I'll-save-you!

Sess: Watch yourself half-breed.

Inu: Keh… ain't my fault you're in love with a kid…

Sess: Are you implying something? :Eyes go Red:

Inu: Nah… I don't think you're THAT sick… but once she's older…

Rin: What then?

Sess: :glares at Inu: Do not presume to know the intentions of this Sesshomaru. Rin, do not concern yourself with the future. :whispers: Do not worry, you belong to this Sesshomaru, and always will.

Rin: :gives Sess adoring stare and snuggles him:

Sess: :catches himself before he can nuzzle her in front of everyone, but wants to, badly:

Inu: Heh… I heard that.

**which means "steel fang". **

Kag: Really? Who knew?

Group: :Nods in agreement:

**He was very fast and very cunning. **

Inu: No he aint…

**He was also rather handsome. **

Inu: and again, no he aint…

Sess: Hn… in his fur skirt…

Group: :Round of snickers:

**He didn't like Inuyasha's family because he was prejudiced against dog demons,**

Inu: The only family I got is that bastard over there, and NO ONE likes him!

Rin: Hey! Rin loves Sesshomaru-sama!

Sess: :gives her a little squeeze-hug on the sly:

Kag: :silently awwwwwssss at how cute they are:

**and secretly was afraid of them. **

Inu: He should be

Group: :Rolls eyes:

**He didn't want anyone to find out that he was afraid, so he liked to harass the family at a distance with tricks, **

Sess: If he 'harassed' this Sesshomaru, or this Sesshomaru's Chichiue, he would have been dead long ago…

**but this day he didn't smell the woodcutting family, so he thought it safe to hunt in the forest openly.**

San: As opposed to what?

**And besides, there was the scent of little girl in the air that he just couldn't resist.**

Rin: Oh NO! He's gonna eat her! He's gonna send his wolves to chase her and kill her and eat her and she's gonna die and Sesshomaru-sama won't be there to bring her back with Tenseiga like he did Rin! :Starts crying.:

Group: :Disbelieving looks:

Inu: So THAT'S how you got that brat?

Sess: Refrain from insulting Rin or I shall rip out your tongue. Rin, do not be afraid, this is not real. :Curses Naraku again in his mind and envisions killing him slowly.:

Mir: Why is Sesshomaru-sama smiling?

San: I don't know but its… creepy…

Kag: I don't like it…

Inu: :Shivers: me either…

**When the Kouga-wolf **

Group: Kouga wolf?

**saw her, he decided that she was very beautiful and instead of eating her right away, **

Rin: See! He's gonna eat her I just know it!

Sess: He will not eat her Rin, no demon converses with their prey before devouring it… it would break form, now, be quiet, please, do it for me.

**went up to talk with her.**

"**Hey"**

Inu: Smooooothhh opening there buddy.

Mir: I could teach him a much better approach to the ladies

San: :SLAP:

Mir: :Sheepish grin that is very endearing:

**Little Red Kagome whirled around, startled.**

"**Who's there?"**

**There was a chuckle from the bushes. Kouga stepped out onto the path.**

"**Hello Little Red." He smiled. "Where ya going with all that food?"**

**Kagome checked him over. He was wearing fur pelts and armor. His shiny black hair was in a topknot and his unruly bangs spilled over a headband made of fur. Kagome couldn't put her finger on it, but there was something wrong with his appearance. Then she realized it. His turquoise eyes didn't have pupils! How odd!**

Inu: Tell me this idiot could figure out he's a demon…

Kag: Y'know, that isn't the sort of thing I would just dismiss…

San: But… demons DO have pupils!

Sess: Obviously the author doesn't know what a 'top knot' is either, as Kouga's hair is worn in a pony tail.

Inu: Leave it to you to be the expert on hair care!

Sess: This Sesshomaru sees nothing wrong with taking pride in one's appearance. As your own miko has said, 'If you got it, flaunt it', and this Sesshomaru definitely has it!

Rin: :giggles: Sesshomaru-sama has pretty hair! Rin likes to comb it and braid it and –

Sess: Rin, that's enough.

Group:snickering:

**She answered hesitantly.**

"**I'm taking these groceries to my Granny in the hut in the middle of the woods."**

Inu: Oh brilliant… tell him everything why don't ya?

Kag: THAT IS NOT ME, BAKA!

San: That is so strategically unsound… giving away your destination like that…

Mir: Indeed.

Rin: You shouldn't talk to strangers, if you do, Sesshomaru-sama usually has to kill them later…

Sess: Very true, Rin, but did this Sesshomaru not ask you to be quiet?

Rin: But if I don't talk Naraku might make us stay here longer, he said he wants me to talk!

Sess: Fine, Rin, but only to end our torture sooner rather than later, you may speak.

**Kouga smiled.**

"**That's so nice of you. Pretty and thoughtful, what a girl." He said flatteringly.**

Inu: She would fall for it too…

Sess: Flattery is for fools.

**Kagome smiled. "He may be a little odd looking, but he sure is nice." She thought.**

San: why is it in quotes if she said it only in her head?

Mir: I don't know…

Group:Pondering this odd use of grammar.:

"**Why don't you let me carry that heavy basket for you? Sweet thing like you should have to do heavy lifting like that." He offered, smiling.**

Group: Should?

Mir: I believe that may be a typo, or else he is a very rude man.

San: Are you trying to say that women are too weak to carry heavy things? I'll have you know that Hirakotsu isn't exactly light!

**Kagome looked worried.**

"**I better not, I'm not supposed to talk to strangers."**

Inu: Now she figures that out?

Rin: But she's already been talking to him!

Sess: there is very little sense to be had, in stating that now…

**While all this was going on, the woodcutter boy, Inuyasha, had woken up and gone off to Kagome's house. He didn't realize he had overslept.**

Inu: As if the position of the sun isn't a dead giveaway? Damn, I'm dumb,

Group: :nods in agreement before he can finish:

Inu: :continues, missing the nod: but I'm not that dumb!

Sess: Yes you are.

Inu: Fu-

Kag: INUYASHA SIT! What did I tell you about your language in front of Rin-chan?

Inu: :muttering: bitch…

Kag: I heard that! SIT!

**AN: the authoress must excuse herself for a second, the Anime music video to Avril lavine's "Sk8er boi" is on and I must submit the appropriate cheering quota. Go Avril! Down with Kikyo!**

Mir: well uh… this is new… is the author breaking the fourth wall here?

Sess: what, exactly is a Sk8er boi?

Kag: It's a horrible song, that is completely overplayed… but I like her thoughts on Kikyo…

Inu: :wistful: Kikyo… I wonder how she's doing?

:Naraku appears on the screen with Kikyou on his arm:

Nar: I assure you, she's fine…

:Kisses Kikyo passionately:

Rin: Awwwwwwww… they're in love!

Inu: YOU BASTARD! IRON REAVER SOUL STEALER :Destroys the screen, which magically repairs itself immediately:

Kag: :Looks like she's going to cry:

Nar: :Laughs an evil laugh along with Kikyo as they fade from the screen:

Inu: :Looks sad now, puppy ears all down and cute:

**He knocked on the door. "Where is Kagome?" he asked Miroku, her father.**

Rin: Didn't they already say he was her father?

"**She left already to take some supplies to her grandmother. If you hurry you can catch up to her." Miroku said.**

Mir: :sarcastic: Yes, please kind hanyou, go stalk my daughter some more…:serious again: kami-sama, what an idiot my character is…

**AN: the authoress must again excuse herself as the "Don Fluffy" music video, a Sesshomaru tribute, is playing and I must pay my respects to his bishieness with a sacrifice of drool. Mmmmm…fluffy…**

Sess: This Sesshomaru is NOT fluffy… however, as much as he detests these fangirls, he can understand their attraction, I AM very attractive…

Rin: Sesshomaru-sama is so pretty!

Sess: Yes… yes I am, Rin.

Group: :Rolls eyes:

**Inuyasha walked away calmly until he was out of Miroku's sight. Then he raced foreword into the woods. He smelled wolf in the air and was worried.**

**Meanwhile, back in the woods….**

"**Well, here, I'm Kouga. And you are….?"**

"**Kagome" she answered automatically.**

"**See? Now we're not strangers."**

**Kagome saw the logic in this.**

Inu: Idiot

Sess: there is no logic to be had…

Rin: Huh? I'm only 8 and even I know that makes no sense!

Mir: Apparently, our 'daughter' is a little slow, my dear Sango.

San: As her 'mother' I'd be ashamed if that were the case…

Kag: THAT IS NOT ME!

**Kouga continued, "Now, which way?" Kagome pointed. Kouga smirled to himself. "I can just taste her now. I'll eat the Granny as hors' devours and Little Miss Red here as the tender main course. Now, I just gotta distract her…."**

Rin: What's a smirl?

Sess: There is no such thing, Rin.

Mir: Rin-chan, that is known as a typo, and these 'fan-fics' contain many.

Sess: :Glares at Miroku for daring to speak to HIS Rin, earning creeped out glares from the rest of the group.:

Mir: :Clears his throat and mumbles an apology:

Inu: :mumbles: Pedophile…

Sess: This Sesshomaru does not HARM Rin, hanyou… Rin rather enjoys our 'cuddle times'… Don't you Rin?

Rin: Oh yes! Sesshomaru-sama is so warm and mokomoko is so soft! :Sighs: Rin loves Sesshomaru-sama…

Group: :Seriously creeped out, but too afraid of death to say anything more:

Inu: Whatever…

**Suddenly Kouga's distraction came, but not like he expected. "Shit." He thought. "I smell that damn dog. I'll tell Red here that I smell some wild demon and I'll go and drive him away from her."**

Mir: Along with being slow, it appears our 'daughter' is also deaf in this fiction…

San: What is with this author and using quotations to demarcate thoughts?

"**Oi! Kagome!" he yelled, starting to run. "I smell some bad demon in the forest, I'll go chase him off and meet you at the hut ok?"**

Inu: and, of course, this idiot falls for it…

Kag: This is NOT ME… SIT!

"**What!?" yelled Kagome back. "Wait! My basket! Arrrrrgggg! I shoulda known!" she slumped to the ground. "Well, " she said, eyeing some herbs and mushrooms near a peach tree burdened with fruit, "Maybe I could do something else instead…"**

Mir: Perhaps they are 'magic mushrooms…

Group: :Rolls eyes:

Rin: Rin ate special mushrooms once on accident, and they made her see colors and then she turned into a butterfly!

Sess: Please, Rin, This Sesshomaru does not wish to relive that particular incident…

Rin: Oh, but Rin wishes she could find those again!

Sess: NO, You will NOT ever eat those again… this Sesshomaru was extremely concerned, as you kept attempting to 'fly' off that cliff…

Group: :Gaping in disbelief at the admission:

Sess: :Realizes his mistake, and simply glares at the others, rendering them silent:

**Meanwhile…**

San: Dramatically Dun-Dun- DUUUUUNNNNN

Group: :Looking at Sango like she's gone crazy:

San: What? This is getting boring…

"**I could smell your stink a mile away dog-turd." Kouga taunted**

"**What are you doing in MY forest." Inuyasha bristled.**

"**None of your business."**

Inu: Now I'm gonna kick his a-

Kag: Iiiinnnuuyaaasshhhaa…. warning glare Besides, that isn't even YOU!

Inu:Ears droop as he falls silent:

Sess: Truly miko, you must not let him guilt you, for you are saving his life each time you protect my Rin from his course language.

Group: HIS Rin??

Sess: :Scoffs: Of course…

Group: :More and more creeped out:

**Inuyasha noticed the basket. "Where do you think you're going with that basket of food?"**

**Kouga smirked. "I'm going and visiting my poor ol' Granny in the woods" he said with a fake high trill. Then he sped away laughing, leaving Inuyasha in his dust.**

Inu: The wolf ain't that fast…

Group: :snickering:

Mir: Perhaps, my friend, you forget your past encounters with said wolf?

Inu: Shut-up Monk, I don't see you entering a marathon anytime soon…

**As Kouga ran, he started to notice the aroma of the contents of the basket. His curiosity got the better of him and stopped to rummage. He pulled out all sorts of things he'd never seen before: long noodles in chicken broth, a sweet smelling block of dark material that he decided immediately that he had to sample…and a tube full of hot water. When Kouga popped the lid off the canister of water, he slopped a lot of the water into the open packages of noodle. He sniffed at it. Then tasted the new combination. The before he knew it, he had finished off the first cup of noodles and poured more water into the second.**

Inu: Oh HELL NO… He did NOT just eat my Ramen!

**He caught himself as the sun had started to set.**

"**Crap." He said. "I need to get on with my plan!"**

**He ran at full speed to grandmother's house, busting the door open. He was about to eat her**

Rin: :Remembering she's afraid: Sesshomaru-sama! He's gonna eat her!

Sess: :Sends mokomoko to wrap around Rin, pulling her closer: This Sesshomaru would allow no such thing, Rin…

Rin: :Snuggles in and nods with those cute as heck wide innocent eyes:

**when he smelled Kagome coming, not too far away from the hut. Cursing, he knocked the old woman out and threw her in the closet, grabbing some of grandmother's clothes while he was in there. He quickly put them on and lay in bed, pretending to be Granny.**

Kag: Now this is just stupid, like I wouldn't know my own grandmother!

Inu: No one ever said you weren't stupid…

Kag: SIT SIT SIT!

"**Young meat is better the less it struggles as it dies." **

Rin: :sad: Rin didn't have a chance to struggle…

Sess: :Damns the consequences and leans down to nuzzle her: You are safe, Rin.

Kag: :Out loud this time: AWWWWWWW

Sess: :Death glare to the miko:

**Kouga thought to himself, mentally licking his chops. "It has less chance getting bruised or dirty. That's why every wolf knows trickery is the best policy when catching young prey."**

San: :Haughty know it all voice: Actually wolves aren't known for trickery, it is the kitsune that are known for using tricks, wolves hunt in packs as well, not alone as this author seems to think…

Group: :Eye roll:

Inu: I've never heard of demon that would care if their meat was 'bruised and dirty'… what the hell is this crap?

Mir: :Heavy Sigh: It is fan fiction Inuyasha… there need not be any semblance of logic.

Group: :Nods in solidarity:

**Kagome poked her head in the door. "Granny?" she ventured. She came the rest of way into the hut, setting down the food she had gathered on the way.**

"**I'm in here dear." Kouga said in the highest pitch voice he could manage.**

Inu: I know a way to make his voice high pitched… I'll kick him in his –

Kag: SIT! Gods, baka! How many times do I have to warn you about your language?

Inu: Uh… she sleeps with Sess the loli-con over there, you think the kid won't know what I'm talking about?

Group: :Turning questioning eyes to Sesshomaru:

Sess: :Refuses to acknowledge the question or look at any of the rest of the group:

Rin: huh? Rin doesn't kick Sesshomaru-sama??

Sess: Don't worry about these idiots Rin, they do not understand of what they speak.

"**Granny? Why is your voice so rough?" Kagome asked.**

Group: BAKA!

Kag: THAT IS NOT ME!

"**I've got a bit of a cold today, so I'm staying in bed if you don't mind dear." He faked a few coughs.**

**She came a little closer. Kouga's head peeked out from the blankets, covered mostly by one of Granny's caps.**

"**What's with the hat Granny?" she asked.**

"**Err, like I said, I have a cold today and this hat keeps my head warm."**

Mir: This is by far the most idiotic logic the author could have come up with to explain away the hat.

Group: :Nods:

"**And…you have bigger eyes than I last remember."**

Inu: Yeah, and they happen to be blue with no pupils… remember?? Gee… this author is insulting Kagome's intelligence more than even I do!

Mir: So - so far Kagome, in this story is 'slow', deaf, and now she's BLIND as well??

San: Honestly, if any child of mine were truly this stupid, I would have to do the honorable thing and kill her… we demon slayers can't allow weakness in our village.

Sess: That is cruel, even more so than most demons…

Rin: Rin is glad she's not Sango-sama's child…

Sess: :Creepy look: No, Rin, you belong only to this Sesshomaru…

Rin: Rin knows! :Sighs again: Rin loves you Sesshomaru-sama… don't worry… Rin isn't going anywhere!

Sess: :Even Creepier voice: No, Rin, you are not…

Group: :Watches exchange with horrified looks on their faces:

Inu: :mutters: not just a pedo, but a creepy pedo…

Sess: :lifts hand to make it glow green, while giving Inuyasha ANOTHER death glare:

Rin: :Giggles for no reason other than she is incredibly adorable:

"**Um…all the better to see you with my dear. Now come closer, I can barely hear you."**

**She came closer. **

Inu: Idiot

Kag: Okay you guys, I get it… my character in this story is stupid… INCREDIBLY, INCREDIBLY STUPID. Can we PLEASE move on?

Group: :Grumbling agreements:

**Kouga smiled.**

"**Your teeth look bigger as well, did you get a new set of false teeth?"**

"**They're all the better to eat you with, my dear!"**

Rin: :Screams:

Both Inu in the room: :Wince in pain from the high pitched noise.:

Sess: :Covers Rin's mouth with his hand:

Inu: :Grateful look:

Sess: Shhhh, Rin… You are safe… now, if I remove my hand, do you promise not to scream?

Inu: Wonder how many times has he said THAT line before…

Sess: Quiet hanyou! :Looks down to Rin for her answer:

Rin: :Whimpers and nods:

Sess: :Removes his hand slowly and cautiously, before covering her eyes for the rest of the story:

**And Kouga hopped out of the bed, tearing the grandmotherly clothes off of him. Suddenly, then door blew off its hinges, and the Inu-woodcutter stormed in, whirling his mighty ax through the air. The wolf snarled and the two started a viscous battle right there in the hut. Inuyasha swung and swung and swung, Kouga dodging each attack by an inch. Kagome had crawled into a corner, out of the way of the two canines. Finally, Inuyasha swung the ax at Kouga while he was on the bed. Kouga's clawed feet snagged on the blankets and Inuyasha chopped the wolf's tail in two. Snarling, Kouga ran out the door, kicking up dust clouds in his retreat.**

Inu: Yeah, he better Run!

Rin: Is it over Sesshomaru-sama? Can Rin look again?

Sess: Yes, Rin, the wolf is gone. :uncovers Rin's eyes:

Rin: :Sighs in relief:

**Inuyasha went over to Kagome.**

"**You all right?" he said, helping her to her feet.**

Kag: Like he'd help me to my feet…

Inu: I would too!

Kag: Would not!

Mir: :shakes head: here we go… and 3, 2, 1…

Kag: SIT!

San: Wow Miroku, you've really got these two nailed eh?

Mir: Why yes my dear Sango…

Kag: :Notices Sango an Miroku: Here we go… and 3, 2, 1…

San: SLAP!

Inu: Heh… they think they're any better than us…

Kag: :Giggles and Nods:

"**Granny!" she remembered. "What happened to her?"**

"**That's Kagome for you." Inuyasha thought to himself. "Worrying about others first."**

Inu: My thoughts are NOT that corny or that simple!

Group: :doubtful looks:

**Suddenly, they heard a moan from the closet. **

Inu: Heh… Maybe Sess is in there with a picture of Rin…

Sess: :Light whip's Inuyasha's ear:

Inu: Hey… :mumbles: That's what I get for telling the truth!

Rin: Sesshomaru-sama?

Sess: Don't worry about it Rin, I've told you before, my brother is an idiot.

Rin: OKAY!

Group: :Can't believe how unrealistically innocent and naïve, -but adorable- Rin is:

**Kagome and Inuyasha went into the closet where they found grandmother unconscious on the floor. They dusted her off and laid her in bed and closed the door. **

Inu: Now THAT'S how you treat old people!

Group: :Stare at him, disbelievingly:

Mir: I surely hope you are joking, Inuyasha…

Inu: :Innocent eyes: What'd I'd say?

San and Kag: :Shake heads in disgust:

**They sat on the porch to wait for Granny to wake up.**

"**Maybe now Granny will be convinced to come and live in the village." Kagome observed.**

Mir: That isn't an observation… That's a question…

San: The author obviously gave up at this point…

Inu: Were they ever trying in the first place?

Group: :Snickers:

"**Well, it doesn't matter." Inuyasha smirked. "That wolf won't be coming back here for a long time."**

**Kagome leaned against Inuyasha, placing her head on his shoulder. "Thank you Inuyasha."**

**Inuyasha blushed, but wrapped an arm around her back. "feh. You could have avoided this whole mess if you'd have just waited for me to go to the forest with you."**

"**Huh? You don't usually go with me…wait! You follow me into the woods!?"**

"**Hey! If I didn't, you'd be missing a couple hunks of flesh right now!"**

Rin: EWWWWW

Sess: Indeed.

Kag and Inu: :Blushing:

Kag: God I hate these types of scenes… why do they always make it so mushy?

Inu: I don't know… I ain't the mushy type!

Kag: No, you're actually kind of a jerk…

Inu: am not!

Kag: are too!

Mir: :Begins another count down…:

-A MINUTE LATER-

Kag: SIT!

Sess: This appears to be drawing to a close so you will all hold your tongues, so we might be finished with this sooner… Rin needs a nap and this Sesshomaru has more important things to do than sit here.

Rin: :Yawns: Will you lay down with me Sesshomaru-sama?

Sess: Of course, Rin.

Inu: Hey, I thought you just said you were busy!

Group: :Finally 'getting it' they all shudder, but remain silent:

"**Still, anyone else and that would be creepy. You stalk me!"**

"**Nooooo, I just watch out for you, there's a difference dumbass!"**

"**Dumbass! You…watch out for me?" she said, changing her tone mid yell.**

"**Well I …sorta." Inuyasha admitted.**

"**Awww" Kagome said, and kissed him on the cheek.**

**End**

Inu: Thank the gods that's over…

Kag: Yeah

Sess: come Rin… you may brush this Sesshomaru's hair before your nap.

Rin: OKAY!

San: Y'know, Miroku… It appears that we aren't very popular… we're always just a 'side story' to Inuyasha and Kagome…

Mir: Sad but true, my dear Sango… Sad but true…


End file.
